Well, it’s been a minute, I´m still here, although many life and death experiences happen every week, (mostly spiritually sometimes physically). I'm glad I have been fortunate enough to avoid the death part. So, to fill everyone in, I'm just a missionary, still working day in day out and reaping the rewards. It’s funny to think about the life of a missionary, some people think we are crazy when we tell them what we do. They say, “That’s horrible and that is like the worst job ever.” I kind of want to say to them. “No you’re wrong and stop living in adultery. But, I zip my lips instead!
It’s weird I haven´t seen a vision out here or even heard a voice but, it’s something I can feel. I have it in here. (Pointing to my heart and mind at the same time).
The cold hard truth is you will never know what ¨promised blessings¨ are until you are out there serving God´s children. Until you stop thinking of you and your problems; that is my thoughts anyway… I guess I had to distance myself for two years to find out what the heck my purpose was and what I was sent in the world to do.
God is trying to teach me something this change and it is either that I am not listening or I'm not looking hard enough. The whole life thing where “God is not listening to what you say he is watching what you do” is a huge part of my life right now. I haven’t really been complaining lately to Heavenly Father, I realize that he knows it’s hard, his Son has been there, done that. Who are we to talk the talk and not walk the walk?
I guess I have ¨changed¨. Not everyone is saying it but, a few have. I am fine with that! I have come to know it myself and I'm happy. It means that I'm not living the way I want to live anymore. I have decided to be lead blindly. Following the Spirit does wonders in one’s life. I not only can say this I can testify to this. I have done it, studied it, and experimented with it. I guess this is the reward. I can´t say that I am converted yet. If I have said it before I lied, I still have many faults and I sometimes doubt, fear, and even question. But I'm still here. I guess it’s a gift and a curse or better said it’s a gift from God but, a breaking point Satan sometimes uses. I have found a spiritual gift out here and I believe it’s one of my strongholds along with a weakness. I have too much faith. Yes it sounds a lot like Gary Bertier, when he says “I'm too strong” (Remember the Titans). Let me explain, too much faith, its great don't get me wrong, I put my faith in the Lord, 100% of it. I know things will work out, but sometimes faith gets the best of me it puts me over the edge and I think by having more faith more miracles should come. They don't come so don't sit around waiting. You have to learn...well I need to learn, what the will of God is and how I can put it into action. I am sure this is going to be a life long struggle but, I'm willing to put in the work needed to end up conqueror.
An inspired young lady in her last email said, “I hope you are happy.” Well I hope this for everyone, are we doing the things that make us happy? True happiness is a reward not a gift. Find it, achieve it, and work for it. I think this world is in serious lack of people that are happy. Following the commandments of God makes one happy. Once we change our opinion of the commandments and see them as gifts, we will be happy. Be a disciple, he isn't asking for people that are fence sitting he asked for people who loved him. People that are willing to give up the partying, the drinking, the girls, quite frankly, people who are willing to give up being tempted. Find something in the gospel that makes you say to yourself, "I'm better than this, and we are tougher than you Satan."
I'm not saying sin is impossible to avoid but, there is a way to be clean again, to stay clean. It’s Jesus Christ.
I'm about to get off the pulpit but anyways… just pray about it and listen. What’s He saying to you?
Things have been said about Mothers on Mother’s Day from the beginning of time… mines better so I'm going to try and do better. I'm here to tell the truth! My mom has some flaws, but she admits them. She gets angry, but she forgives and forgets. She puts up with Bryan, but she knows that it’s worth it. She loves without ceasing, and sometimes it hurts her. She is happy and it brightens others day. She gave birth to me, that is all I'm saying about that one. She sometimes expects perfect, a teaching that she mimics from God. She’s Christ like, one of the few people I know that have figured that out. She puts the energizer bunny to shame so, she sleeps like a rock. Makes us wake her up, still hate it. She’s a better mom than she thinks, FIGURE it out. poopy puppy.("inside jokes, love to be a part of one, one day"). I know there have been times I have made you wanna quit, don't quit. She would film us when we were freaking out. haha. Getting mad and Sam and I for climbing the walls, I mean literally this woman’s children climbed the walls. So sorry! Selfless, is a huge understatement. She is a procrastination helper, (If you are a mom I think you know what this means) I needed this aspect of my mom way too much in my life. Sorry for that one! When I think about you, I think of “powerundertheradar” you don't show boldness but when someone talks to you they leave with the thought, “wow she knows what she is doing.” And it is with anything… Everyone knows how to get out baseball red dirt stains because of you. Scrap booking, other moms GIVE UP! She beat you years ago, Joann´s is about to sponsor this woman! I guess it’s under the radar because it like this lady is amazing but, like what the heck she doesn't even brag about it. She only brags when she beats Bryan in anything or talks about whether the fast gene that Samson and I picked up was from her or Bryan. I'm just throwing things out here that hit my mind. Mom, you are the most ticklish person I know and very preoccupied with whether you are going to pee your pants or not. Oh gosh the countless “girl” talks we had. I never knew if you and Dr. Phil dated before or what because you gave the best advice and knew how to solve problems with girls and everything else. She freaked out about Autto hairs and still let him in the house. I always smiled when we all would freak over that. (He really is just the cutest dog ever no one had the guts to kick him out in the snow). You love projects and you complete them. Dad bless his heart loves projects but has too many. I remember that you and Kelli Summers worked like slaves to clean that entire Clear Street house so that people could move in right away. You listen to what people say. You have forgiven me for a lot of crap, thanks. You said I looked good every time I asked you before I left the house. Some days I looked horrible. You have cried with me and still do. You have fought for me! I love that you can get wild listening to some old rock but you know there is a time and a place. Sometimes I wasn't pumped up for a game until you blew the speakers out in the van. You are the only person I know, minus Chuck Norris and Mandy Moore in the movie walk to remember, that can be in two places at once! She would still text me even though she knew I was not about to text her back! whoops phone taken away. I rarely called when I was going to be late, another unneeded stress that I had gave her, sorry. She talked on call of duty a couple of times!!! Ha-ha. She loves telling me her progress at the gym and I love hearing it. She likes to be healthy. Whenever your stomach or head hurt, she gave the classic advice, "have you pooped, have you tried to poop, and have you been drinking a lot of water?" I always ate her candy and she was fine with it. I loved and hated some of the things she would get on. This lady can make like week long supply of caramel popcorn, popcorn, and other goodies. I heard the saying that girls look at the way you treat your mom. I guess I am a little screwed. For all amazingly beautiful, gorgeous girls that are reading this. I promise I have changed. I was in the terrible teens. It’s definitely one of my biggest goals to correct all of my mistakes and build that relationship again. But really I mean that, well my mom and I are tight, tight like chocolate Twizzlers! Dad, I'm sorry that I have treated your girlfriend, baby-sitter, and wife with such disrespect at times, forgive me. I guess the most important thing I can say to you mom is those three words aren't enough and I'm trying to find a new way to tell you Happy Mother’s Day. But, I want to say I love you and thanks on your special day.
Also, a huge thanks to all the other mother figures in my life! You guys are awesome and I probably hung out at your houses wayyy too much so thanks for that and thanks for all the best friends I have because of you Mom´s out there.
Love you Mom, love you Family.